Broken
by RocknVaughn
Summary: Episode Tag to 5.02, "Arthur's Bane, Part II". SPOILERS if you have not seen this episode yet! Merlin could not help but feel as broken as Aithusa after finding her at long last. One-shot. 1/1


Broken

By RocknVaughn

A/N: _Yes, yes… I know I should be working on No Better Assassin. I even meant to, but the muse for this one-shot would not leave me alone until I wrote this. I hope to get back to NBA very soon. Thank you for stopping by to read this! And please review...it means a lot to me! Ugh! Stupid FFN took out all my italics! (Goes back to fix)_

* * *

Merlin felt it in his bones before he knew: a shiver of a strange and almost foreign awareness and foreboding. It made no sense—absolutely no sense at all—but somehow, some way he knew: Aithusa was here.

* * *

_Merlin..._

Merlin rolled over in his bed, disturbed from his sleep, and tried valiantly to ignore the pestering dragon haunting his brain.

_Merlin…_

Merlin huffed and pulled his pillow up around his head to cover both ears…not that it helped, since the noise was coming from _inside_ his head.

_Merlin!_

Giving up, Merlin let go of the pillow and rolled onto his back with a soft whump!, releasing a long-suffering sigh. "Kilgharrah, go away…" he moaned aloud, but also projected in his mind to the bothersome creature. "D'you _know_ how much work I've got ahead of me in the morning? We're still in the process of rebuilding the lower town and Gwen's coronation is coming up and Arthur has me writing _all_ his speeches now and…"

_Young warlock, stop. I would not trouble you tonight if it was not of vital importance. Please meet me in our clearing. I'll be waiting._

Merlin moaned in protest, but was already pushing himself to a half-awake sitting position and tugging on his boots. Not even bothering to change out of his nightshirt, he pushed to a stand and snagged his coat from the floor near his wardrobe where he'd dropped it hours before. "Damned annoying dragons and their midnight chats…" he muttered to himself as he creaked open his bedroom door.

As if from afar, he heard the answering chuckle.

* * *

"This had better be good, Kilgharrah," Merlin huffed as he marched into the clearing from the tree line of the forest surrounding it.

"I am afraid it is anything but, young warlock," the ancient dragon said in reply.

Kilgharrah's tone of voice pained Merlin's soul, although he did not yet know why. "Why? What has happened?" Merlin was almost afraid to hear the answer.

Kilgharrah's face belied the sorrow and fear in his voice. "Aithusa is missing."

"_Missing?_" Merlin gasped in shock and worry. "What do you mean, _missing_?"

"Exactly that. I have not seen her in over a week and she does not come when I call."

Indignantly, Merlin demanded, "Why was she not with you? She's just a _baby_! She should not have been left alone!"

Kilgharrah returned Merlin's insolent look with one of his own. "You presume to tell _me_ how to raise a dragon hatchling? I have raised several in my time…and you none. You may be a Dragonlord, Merlin, but you know precious little about how to care for them."

Kilgharrah's criticism rankled, but Merlin was still logical enough to understand that the dragon was probably right. "Enlighten me, then," he said instead.

"Unlike human babies, dragon hatchlings are more than capable of taking care of themselves very soon after their birth. They have dragon mentors and Dragonlords to guide their learning and growth, but they seek to set their own roost just as soon as they can fly. Aithusa set off to create her roost almost a month ago. I had not visited it prior to her disappearance, but I knew it was not far away. She would want to stay close to us, of course. She came back to me a few days hence, chattering on excitedly in what I could only assume was her way of telling me she had found a home. That was the last time I saw her."

"Did you find her roost?" Merlin asked, a frown of concern crinkling his forehead.

"I did, young warlock. It lies within the Forest of Ascetir, not far from Camelot, but far enough into the forest to not encounter many humans. She had chosen well."

"And there was no sign of her?"

Kilgharrah shook his head sadly. "There is not."

"Do you know if she yet lives?" Merlin whispered painfully, not wanting to think about the possibility of that beautiful creature he'd given life to being gone from the earth.

"Yes, I believe she does," the Great Dragon replied. "It is quite difficult to kill a dragon, as you well know."

Merlin let out a relieved breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"I can still feel her life force, although there is something not right about it. I cannot explain the anomaly."

"What can I do?" Merlin asked, knowing now that this is why Kilgharrah had summoned him.

"Use your power as her Dragonlord to command her to appear. Normally, I would not condone use of such methods on a dragon of such a tender age, preferring instead to _ask_ the young one to appear in order to foster a loving bond between Dragonlord and dragon. But I know of no other way to find her, now. Hearing your command, she _must_ come, if she is able."

It made sense, what Kilgharrah was saying, but yet, Merlin hesitated. "Will it hurt her? To be commanded like that?"

"The pull is strong, and can be very frightening to young hatchlings who have not already built a close bond with their Lords, but it is not _painful_, as such. I am sure that, once she arrives and we can determine her good health, we can make her understand your reasoning, young warlock."

Merlin nodded once and affected his Dragonlord stance: feet apart, hands clenched at his sides, chest out, shoulders back, chin tipped proudly toward the sky. And then suddenly, the deep, almost inhuman voice roared from Merlin's throat, "_O drakon, e mala soi ftengometh tesd'hupanakes!_"

Almost immediately, Kilgharrah flinched, closing his eyes and turning his head away from Merlin as he tuned in to emotions issuing from his young charge. _Confusion. Fear. Pain._

"Kilgharrah, what is it?" Merlin asked, noticing the Great Dragon's reaction to the command.

But Kilgharrah was not paying attention to Merlin, he was listening to the terrified mewls of Aithusa in his head, the screams of agonizing pain.

"Kilgharrah!" Merlin yelled, wishing he could shake the dragon into awareness, but he realized any attempt to do so would be an exercise in futility.

"Oh, no, Little One…" Kilgharrah tried to soothe, both aloud and telepathically. "Do not fret. No, no…do not. Do not harm yourself!" Kilgharrah flinched and gasping, his eyes snapped open to spear Merlin with their molten gaze.

"You must rescind your command, Merlin! I do not understand what is happening, but the command is causing Aithusa grave harm. Please, do it now!"

Merlin didn't know if it was just Kilgharrah's panicked voice that threaded the emotion into his own bloodstream, or if it was his Dragonlord connection, but deep down, in a place buried much further inside of himself than the space reserved for Kilgharrah, there was a fluttering against his ribcage, small and fledgling. Pure unadulterated terror and pain filled this reservoir that his soul had marked for Aithusa and it made the warlock gasp in shared agony.

Merlin could not allow the suffering to continue even a moment longer. For the second time in as many minutes, he stood Dragonlord strong and bellowed to the sky. "_O drakon, eirini I! Ego akyrono dikos mou ditaxi!_"

Another agony-filled moment passed (perhaps it took that long for the words to reach the little dragon) before the clawing, scratchy terror eating away at Merlin's insides quieted into stunned silence once more. He felt bereft without the baby dragon's presence in his soul, but knew this was better than the alternative, because he too could feel what Kilgharrah had: if he had allowed Aithusa to continue, the attempt to come to her Lord would have killed her. Tears burned in Merlin's eyes as he met Kilgharrah's grim expression.

"What…" Merlin had to swallow the huge lump in his throat before he could continue. 'What was _that_?"

Kilgharrah turned his head for a moment, as if he were listening to something from afar. Several moments passed before the dragon turned his head back to his audience of one. There was a stricken, arrested look on the magical being's face. "Her magic… the little one's magic. It has been bound."

"_Bound_?" Merlin breathed. Having had that experience a time or two, he knew how excruciating it was to try to perform magic around such enchantments. "I didn't realize that was _possible_ for a dragon."

"Nor did I," Kilgharrah admitted. "Perhaps it is only because she is so young and has not yet fully grown into her power. I do not know."

Panic fluttered in Merlin's veins. "We need to find her, Kilgharrah; we need to save her!"

Kilgharrah bowed his great head in anguish. "I cannot. The binding spell has muted her power so much that I cannot follow it."

"There has to be a way," Merlin insisted, sorrow twisting his own features. "Something I can do!"

The Great Dragon shook his head mournfully. "There is not."

"Well, we can't just _leave_ her," Merlin insisted. "She is my—_our_—responsibility! We need to help her!"

"Young warlock, as much as it pains me to say it, there is nothing we can do for Aithusa now. There is no magical binding spell that can hold a dragon's power at bay forever. Eventually, Aithusa will be able to free herself."

Merlin was shaking his head vehemently in denial, but Kilgharrah continued before he could protest verbally. "I will continue to search for her, of course, Merlin. If I am lucky enough to find her, I promise you I will find you."

* * *

Almost three years had passed since that fateful evening. Kilgharrah had never been able to locate Aithusa, although he insisted that she lived still. Merlin himself could not feel the dragon's life force, and it left a gnawing ache in his soul that he could not quench.

The weight of his destiny pressed down upon Merlin in suffocating waves whenever he thought of the tiny white dragon; its joyful cry of release after its birth, the circles she flew around and around Merlin's head in greeting and wonderment, the way she settled onto Merlin's shoulder and snuffed her snout into his neck, learning her Dragonlord's unique scent.

Here was yet another duty entrusted to his care in which Merlin had failed utterly. He had failed his father and their long Dragonlord heritage by failing to protect this sweet, innocent creature from harm. He had failed to defend _the only other dragon in existence_, and because of it, the long line of noble dragons might yet die off.

But now, tonight, he felt it. He felt _her_. Aithusa was alive. And she was _here_—with Morgana. Merlin shuddered to think of what Morgana might have done to Aithusa in the past three years; how many ways Morgana could have harmed her.

But Merlin didn't have time to worry about that though, because he realized…she was heading right for them.

Merlin ran to catch up to Arthur and Gwaine, pulling on Arthur's sleeve to gain his attention. "Something's wrong," he declared firmly. "The Saxons...where have they all gone?"

Arthur rolled his eyes at yet another of Merlin's complaints. "First there are too many and now there aren't enough. Are you _ever_ happy?" Disregarding Merlin's concern, he turned and continued in the direction they were heading.

Merlin gritted his teeth in frustration at Arthur's dismissal. He knew he'd been complaining more than usual on this mission, yet it still infuriated him that even after all this time, Arthur had a tendency not to heed Merlin's warnings even though he was usually proven right.

That was when he heard it: a groaning roar that sounded both foreign and familiar.

Running forward, he pushed past Gwaine and Arthur to stand in front of them, forcing them to a halt. "What was that?"

Almost in response to his words, Merlin felt another blast of magical power buffet him, milliseconds before the actual wind ruffled his hair and made the torchlight dance. Tears of recognition, of pain, prickled at the corners of Merlin's eyes. "Feel…the wind…" he gasped, his voice thick with emotion as another, more audible roar echoed down the length of the cavern.

"That _wasn't_ the wind…" Gwaine wheezed.

A pregnant minute later found the three men being charged by a strange hobbling, growling creature. Merlin stood, stunned into immobility, staring at his dragon, _his_ hatchling, for the first time in three years. Even though he could _feel_ that it was she, Aithusa looked _nothing_ like the tiny baby she had once been. But before Merlin could further process what he was seeing, Arthur had grabbed him by the shoulder and shoved him back they way they had come, throwing the lit torch in the direction of their attacker as they ran.

Taking charge now, Merlin ran ahead, finding an offshoot tunnel and motioning Arthur and Gwaine inside. He leapt in behind them just as a jet flame bellowed past them, the dragon clambering past their hiding spot at breakneck speed.

"Is that what I think it was?" Gwaine asked, his voice betraying the bewilderment he must have felt.

Arthur was not as shocked. "_Where_ did Morgana get a _dragon from_?" he demanded.

Merlin peeked his head back out around the corner, but it was too late. Aithusa was gone. "I've no idea…" he breathed.

Merlin felt in that moment as if he were being torn apart, his destiny to protect Arthur warring for control, pitted against his duty as a Dragonlord.

_Arthur had Gwaine and Percival to protect him now, at least for a little while. Aithusa has no one, and if I don't act now, who knows when I might be able to find her again…_

Making his decision, he turned toward Arthur. "Get Gwaine back to Percival. I'll lure the dragon the other way."

But before Merlin could even move an inch, Arthur had already placed a staying hand on his chest. "Merlin… I've always known you were stupid; but not _that_ stupid." Rolling his eyes, Arthur removed his hand, thinking that was the end of the argument.

After all their years together, though, Arthur really should have known better.

"No, really, I'm that stupid…and if you don't believe me; watch!" And Merlin bolted out from their hiding spot and out of range of Arthur before the other man could even react.

Alone now, Merlin cast his magic out before him, trying to find that tingle that spoke back to that spot inside his soul that had long been empty. Merlin at last found a weak thread of magic and he pulled, tethering himself to the dragon's power and letting it guide him forward.

Another waft of wheezing breath blew past Merlin, flickering the torch on the wall and he tucked himself into the side of the wall for a moment, gathering his strength. Already, Merlin's heart was aching. The magic that was winding itself into its home inside him was sickly, tainted with disuse and abuse. He could not fathom what would make Aithusa's power feel that way.

Peeking his head around the corner of the stone, Merlin's eyes rested on his half-grown hatchling for the first time, and immediately it felt as if someone had kicked him in the stomach. Instead of brilliant white as they had been when she was hatched, Aithusa's scales were now ashy grey and missing in places. Her eyes were still icy blue, but were rheumy and red around the eyelids. Her wings looked paper thin and almost malformed.

Carefully, but with the proud stance of the Dragonlord he was, Merlin placed himself in the dragon's line of sight. She was favoring her front right claw badly, and skittering backward into the rock face as if his presence frightened her. "Aithusa…" he began, but he could say no more before the terrified dragon shot a white-hot jet of flame at Merlin.

Throwing up a hand instinctively, Merlin blocked the fire, holding it at bay until it subsided. Another sharp pain erupted inside of Merlin as he realized that Aithusa did not know who he was; she did not remember him.

As much as he hated to do it in her fragile state, Merlin knew he had no choice but to tame Aithusa before he attempted to speak to her again. "_Non didlkai! S'eikein kai emois epe'essin hepesthai!_"

Aithusa stood, stunned for a moment before the light of recognition ignited in her features. She took a hesitant step in Merlin's direction, quirking her head forlornly, her eyes pleading for some unnamed thing. _Acceptance. Love. A sense of belonging._ He felt all those emotions and more passing between them: a bittersweet homecoming for Dragonlord and hatchling.

Merlin could barely see past the tears crowding out his vision. Poor Aithusa looked so…_broken_; he didn't know if his heart could bear it. Finally, he choked out, "What happened?" His eyes glowed with his sympathy and shared pain.

Aithusa's voice came as a hoarse growl. She pawed at the ground once with her sore leg and growled again, her eyes beseeching at Merlin, begging him to understand.

But he did not. He asked again, his voice almost unrecognizable from the pain, "Who did this to you?" He bent down to get more on Aithusa's eye level and she startled, his motion frightening her.

Merlin put a supplicating hand out toward her. "I won't harm you."

Again, the young dragon spoke but with a hoarse combination of mewls and growls that Merlin had never heard before. "What does that mean?" he asked, finally giving up on trying to somehow translate what he'd heard.

Aithusa's eyes lowered and sorrow filled her features at his failure to understand her.

And then Merlin gasped, realizing. "You can't speak…" he breathed, his heart going out even more to his poor, damaged hatchling. What on earth could have caused such terrible harm to such a beautiful creature?

But before he could say more or reassure Aithusa further, a voice echoed in the walls behind him, "Merlin!" _Arthur. Blast his poor timing!_

Panicked, Merlin looked back at Aithusa as he watched her startle again and back herself into a corner of the wall. Arthur could _not_ find Aithusa. It was imperative, because there was no way he could get Arthur to spare the dragon's life, not when he thought she was working with Morgana.

With his own voice filled with the panic that blanketed Aithusa's features, Merlin said fervently, "Go!" He needed to save her; he could not allow her to come to further harm, and certainly not at the hands of Arthur.

But Aithusa did not understand. She was afraid, yes, but Merlin was with her and she knew he would keep her safe. She shook her head as her eyes pleaded with him. _Please, Father. Please do not send me away. Let me stay with you. Please…_

But Merlin knew that Aithusa did not understand the danger she was in. How _could_ she know when she'd never been exposed to it? _It is for her own good_, Merlin reasoned with himself, even as his own heart was breaking at the thought of another pain he would have to cause.

Two fat tears erupted from beneath his lashes as he ordered gruffly, "_E'ethai!_"

Aithusa dutifully slunk away from Merlin, into the shadows and back out of his life. Even before her tail curled away out of his line of sight, Merlin swore he would find her again, that he would save her and bring her home.

But Merlin knew that for days, weeks, and perhaps all the rest of his days, her last lingering look of pain and betrayal would haunt him. She didn't need to know how to speak to get **this** message across:

_How could you, Father? I loved you! How could you?_

-fin-


End file.
